A Revelation

Last week (Thursday I think) I received a revelation.  As I was praying in the shower, the Lord told me "the curse is broken".  I didn't have any clue what that meant at first.  I thought maybe He was meaning the curses of addiction and scoliosis or even my bladder trouble that was healed.  But, as I began to ask for more, He reminded me that for the first time ever, I have stopped having periods without medication or pregnancy.  Now, I know that it is actually quite common for women to stop ovulating while they are nursing full time, but I never did with any of my other children.  I only nursed Mike for 6 weeks before I returned to work and was not successful in my attempts to pump. With Billy, I nursed a full 6 months and had regular periods that began when he was only 8 weeks old.  With Jack, I nursed full time for 8 weeks and then returned to work, but continued to nurse part time until he was about 4 or 5 months old and again, I had regular periods that started like clockwork at about 8 weeks of age.  Anyway, I have never before experienced a lack of periods unless I was pregnant or when I was getting the depo shot for birth control.  Once I put that piece of the puzzle together, I asked God for a scripture to check it against.  He said "no one will miscarry".  I even remembered a preaching that I heard where a pastor said those words and I was led to believe that women would no longer have periods, but would still have babies even late in years.  At the time when I first heard that sermon I was still battling with marijuana, so I wasn't sure if my memory was even correct about that.  I tried to call the pastor who I remembered giving that teaching, but he was ill and not able to speak with me at the time. 

Next, I looked up the phrase "no one will miscarry" at biblehub.com so that I could find the exact scripture reference and the context that it was used in.  I found...

Exodus 23:26 None shall miscarry or be barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days. (ESV)

Well, I couldn't find anything in the scripture that led me to believe that it had anything to do with periods, so I called my other pastor because he often tells us that the original Hebrew or Greek word means much more than what we understand in English and I thought maybe he could tell me more.  Well, he didn't have his tools in front of him to look up the original Hebrew word or meaning, but when I told him about my revelation and the experience I was having, and that I know ALL things are possible with God, he came into agreement with me that "on Earth as it is in Heaven" could very much mean that there would be no periods and women could still have babies.  So, together we praised Jesus for breaking the curse of Eve and I continued to praise Him all day long and continually thank Him for setting me free!

Well, I've been seeing a lot of healing in the spirit.  I have a friend who recently broke his ankle and while he was waiting to have an x-ray done, I saw in the spirit a foot with a broken bone and it was swiftly and miraculously fused back together as if it were never broken.  Whenever we have prayers for healing, the leaders will often ask for someone who has been healed of a similar affliction to lay hands on one who is in need of healing.  Like, since I was healed of back pain and scoliosis, I will often step to the front and lay hands on someone who is suffering from a back pain or injury.  If there is a pregnant woman who wants a healthy baby and smoothe delivery, I lay hands... anyone with a bladder or bowel problem, teeth, depression, addiction... the list actually goes on even further.  They quote the Bible saying "Freely you received, freely give"  It's in Matthew 10:8.  The translation that I use is the English Standard Version and it says "Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out demons.  You received without paying, give without pay"

Well, ever since Mother's Day (and even more since last Thursday), it has been on my heart that there is someone in my church who is barren and wants to have children.  I know that there is a woman who has had a lot of trouble in the past and is now almost halfway through a healthy pregnancy, but no one that I could think of is wanting to have children who isn't already pregnant.  Of course, only the Lord knows the desires of their hearts, so there may be women that I would not expect who want to conceive.  But, I just haven't felt moved by the Holy Spirit to ask in church if there is anyone who feels that they want children but can't.  That is sort of a personal thing that I wouldn't want to put someone "center stage" for. Sometimes there is a fine line between humility and humiliation and I would not want to make someone cross it, you know?

Well, there is another lady who I met at a "mommy group" that has been married and wanting children for over 15 years.  She and her husband have adopted two boys, but due to Polycystic Ovarian Disease she has been unable to conceive a child of her own.  Well, I prayed with her on the phone today.  I didn't really know the details about her situation until today, but the Lord put that scripture back into my mind and told me to pray for her.  So, knowing that she is a believer and that I have freely received, the Spirit overtook me and I asked the Lord to lay his hand upon her that she could conceive a child not many days from now.  I said I have freely received healing and the gift of motherhood, and I impart those gifts to her right now in Jesus name. I was crying, and sweating, and the words just flowed without any effort to think of what I ought to pray.  It just poured out of me and felt completely awesome! 

I look forward to sharing the good report that she is pregnant.  AMEN!

Standing in faith!

So, the past week has been a worrisome one. Well, not really because I have been in constant prayer and repentance of worry.  LOL  But, in the world, there are a lot of things changing in my life, and some things ending, and I have constantly been asking God to bring forth the perfect job and perfect place for me.  Well, I can't just pray, I have to take some action, right?  So I have been putting out job applications. Last week (the day after I fell to my knees with tears and cried out for God to please bring forth the perfect job and home for me NOW), I applied for a position as an on-site apartment manager in Kettle Falls, which is about 8 miles from my current residence.  It showed up in the paper the day after I prayed that prayer, and I just KNEW that THIS IS FOR ME!  I sent in my application and through the week and weekend, I continued to lift up prayer, and asked others at church to stand in agreement with me for that perfect job and perfect home to come forth.  Well, on Monday I checked my email again and still had no response, so I checked my sent folder to see what time and day it was delivered, or if there was some reason it did not get sent.  Well, it was sent and processed the same day that I thought, but to the wrong email address.  I left a letter out.  So, I REsent my resume and references and a cover letter in email.  Monday night, I prayed, "Lord, please show me favor in this position.  Make it so that the door is not closed and that I will be offered a position that would provided shelter and a humble salary".  I heard back first thing Tuesday morning and was EXTREMELY excited to see such a quick response.  Before I even opened it I thought "Praise the Lord!  I got the job!"  When I opened the email, the response was that the Kettle Falls position was already filled, but they had an opening in Newport, and would I be interested in that one.  My thoughts were...  YIKES!  Newport??  Really Lord?  You want me to find a new church, a new circle of support for transportation, take my kids to new schools and doctors, and start my business and ministry in a place where I don't know ANYONE??  Well, I can't say I like it, but ok, Lord.  I'll do what it is you want me to do.  I surrender to Your perfect will.  I responded to the email and said that I would need to know more about the community before officially accepting a position and that I had not really considered relocating that far or in that direction, but at this time I am inclined to say "Yes".  Tuesday evening I shared with some of my pastors that I might be moving to Newport and explained the offer.  I also shared a bit about a dream that I had a few weeks ago about me not having a place to go and that I ended up staying with them.  So, that night before bed, I prayed again.  "Lord, please bring forth the perfect job and home for me.  I don't want to fall prey to the world and worldly things, if the position in Newport is from You, bring it forth!  If it is not from you and you have something even better, please bring it forth now!  I lay my burdens of fear and anxiety at your feet, and I ask You to be my  comforter, my healer, and my provider.  Please give me a vision of where my next home will be as my time here is running short" Then... on the NEXT day (Wednesday) I heard from one of my pastors that a woman had posted in the local online classifieds that she was looking for a Christian woman to give her extra bedroom to!  She does not want to charge them rent, only some chores for payment.  She wants someone she can study the Bible with and share her blessings with.  So, my pastor told me how to get in touch with her and I did.  We chatted online for a few minutes.  When the chat ended, her closing statement was that she is interviewing a few people and that she will pray on it.  For a brief moment, the Enemy tried to whisper fear, doubt and unworthiness to me, but I did not allow them to enter.  Honestly, God hasn't told me what His will is yet.  I did have a dream that me and the kids were hanging out with her at the pool last night though!  LOL.

Anyway, today I stand here in faith! If this is what God has for me, great!  But if not... if He leads her (or even if the enemy leads her) to choose a different person, I know that it just means God has something EVEN BETTER for me!  He knows the perfect job and home for me, and HE will bring it forth in His Perfect Time!  So, I just want to say... THANK YOU, LORD!  For everything!  My provision, my salvation, my joy.  For Shalom!  Halleluiah! Amen!  

Oh, and people have told me that if you really want some direction in your life, try to find your birthday in every book of the Bible (some say, spend time in the proverb of your birthday) and apply it, and I was reminded of that in Bible study last night.  I have looked up several, but Mark is my favorite, and that too was a part of our study last night.  

Mark 11:24 - (These words are in red, BTW, so this is what Jesus spoke)  Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. (ESV - English Standard Version).

Did you get that?  WHATEVER you ask in prayer...  BELIEVE that you HAVE RECEIVED it, and IT WILL BE YOURS! 

This is the same scripture that Joyce Meyers was referencing the day I was sitting in jail for not paying my fines associated with theft in Missouri and received mental confirmation that Billy was on the way. On that day she sang/chanted...  "I got it! I got it!  I really, really got it!" So today that is my song today! 

Haves VS Have Nots

Wow, last week was a week of attacks from what seemed like every angle.  The most hurtful attacks were the ones that came from the inside.  You know, when the Enemy has already influenced your thoughts and you don't recognize it, but just accept it?  Yeah, one of THOSE weeks.  All week long I was caught in a place of looking to what I "have not" and a complete inability to be thankful for what I DO have!  I was actually mad at God!  I was blaming HIM for my circumstances and asking Him why He took my husband away, why He would not bring forth a perfect job for me, why He would not follow through with His Word and provide me with clothing and shelter, why He afflicted my children with Autism and Anoxic Brain Injury, why He was not talking to me and telling me what I am supposed to do NOW and the list goes on from there, at great length which I will spare my readers.  LOL.  Yikes!  Well, my deliverance from that finally began Thursday night when for the FIRST TIME ALL WEEK, I said a bedtime prayer.  It had not even occurred to me until that day that I was neglecting to ask for protection while I sleep.  Well, "You have not because you ask not".  LOL  And, I learned something new in bible study the week before.  You see, God can hear your secret thoughts, your silent prayers, but Satan cannot.  He can put thoughts INTO your head, but he can't hear what comes from your heart.  It didn't really dawn on me what that entails until this past week though.  You see, it's common that when I lay down for the night, reflections of the day gone by or fears and hopes of the days to come will flood my mind and keep me from rest.  If I pray (even silently) "Lord, please come and empty my mind of all negative thoughts. Let my mind be at rest that I can awake refreshed with sun tomorrow morning". I can usually take comfort in Him and get some sleep.  But sometimes, it's so obviously a demonic influence that rather than appealing to God to come, I command for the evil to leave... but silently, in my mind.  OOooops!  NO WONDER I had such a long lasting battle in which I began to feel defeated!  Satan can't hear my inner thoughts!  He didn't know he had to leave!  Even if I think "In Jesus' name" he doesn't hear that unless I actually speak it out!  So, Thursday night I finally remembered to say a prayer before bed and I spoke it out loud.  I don't remember the exact words, but I do remember asking him to send his Angels to guard over Priscilla and I while we sleep.  I commanded Satan and all his minions trying to enter my mind to flee in the name of Jesus Christ.  I asked for comfort as I sleep and a revelation of what step I am supposed to take next.  Well, Thursday night I slept GREAT!  And, I had a dream in which I spoke with God.  Whenever God appears to me, I don't see a face or a body, I only see light.  It's like staring into the sun only it doesn't hurt my eyes and there is no circle of where the source comes from, it's just light... everywhere.  And when I hear his voice in my dreams, it's my dad's voice.  My biological father of earth. Well, we had a little chat Thursday night. When I asked him why about all those things I claimed he "took" from me, he reminded me of my own actions that led to the destruction of my family.  When I asked why the afflictions on the children he reminded me of my own sins, and of Zeb's, and how he asks us to have faith.  He said to me, "Suzann, I have already given you everything that you have ever asked me for, you just have to learn to trust me in order to receive it."  (side note:  Funny that my father in Heaven should call me Suzann when my father on earth never did and I absolutely HATED it when my mother used it because it was usually when I was in trouble and she was angry, lol.  I've always wanted to be called "Suzie" or "Suz" but NOT Suzann, and don't you DARE call me Sue because that is NOT my name.  It was a huge struggle I had with my mother-in-law until finally I just accepted that she is going to call me whatever she wants to call me and there is really nothing I can do about it.  And when I was baptized one of the elders in our church gave me a translation of my name "Suzann Renee" and said that it means "joyful lily".  Also, years ago a friend that was studying Hebrew gave me a Hebrew translation of my whole name in maiden form and Mateer translated to Mayir which means song, so my whole name before marriage meant "Lily of the joyous song". Anyway, God chooses our parents and gives them inspiration of how to name us.  So, in essence, God gave me my name and I have learned to love it.  He also gave me peace and I have learned to accept when people call me by something else like "Sue" or "Susan". I politely correct them and tell them "It's Suzann" or "I prefer Suzie", but nothing more.  If I notice myself becoming angry over it, I simply ask the Lord to remove my pride and offense and write my proper name into their mind if I am to be remembered in some way. And so far no one has called me by any other name more than once and I have not been angry when it has happened.)

Anyway, He said, "Suzann, I have already given you everything that you have ever asked me for, you just have to learn to trust me in order to receive it.".  Wow!  Those were the only words that he spoke.  Most of the dream was my lamenting to him, but just before I woke up, I got that response from Him.  So when I woke up I began to be reminded of everything He has given me, and what I have asked for.  First came the reminder of Jack and the day we received the report from the neurologist that Jack's brain was mostly dead and he would most likely be a vegetable and we needed to start thinking about how far we wanted the doctors to go to save him if he should code again.  Well, before the meeting, I saw Zeb in the hospital hallway and I hugged him as we cried together and I whispered something in his ear.  I said, "No matter what they say, and how bad the report is, do not receive it.  He has his life, and he has his breath and that's all that matters right now." At the time Jack was on a ventilator, so we didn't really "know" if he had his breath, but those were the words the Lord put on my heart when He told me to comfort my husband that morning.  Jack's brain was about 80% restored from that day to the day he left Sacred Heart and I believe that it will be 100% restored in God's time, but that there is something that must happen first in which I have no control.  And there is something I do have control over that has to happen first according to the response I received.  I must learn to trust Him.  I've never really trusted anyone, so trusting someone I can't see and who has complete reign over me is difficult but with an excellent pastoral team I am learning.  The next thing that came to mind was my career aspirations.  It sort of played in my head like a slide show.  I saw myself from elementary through high school and even beyond, sharing with others "what I want to be when I grow up" at different stages.  First a princess, then a mommy, then a photojournalist, then a soldier, then a wife, then a nurse, then a teacher.  Then it occurred to me that I am each and every one of those things today!  When asked how many kids I want first it was 2, then 8, or maybe 6, then I thought 4 would be perfect, but I will take as many as God wants to give me.  Today I have 4 children and because I also believe that I received a prophetic word when I met my husband, there is still at least one to come which would be 4 with my husband and since my mother-in-law predicted we would have 5 children, I still say I'll take as many as God wants to give me.  Then I was reminded to just be thankful for what I do have...  my health, my children, food, clothing, and shelter for the day, my friends, my church fellowship, my family, and if all that were gone I would still have the breath of life and the love of God and with that there is nothing else I need! Finally, it hit me fully on Sunday morning... 

I have already given you EVERYTHING you have EVER asked me for!

That message is not just for me.  It's for everyone.  It's all over the scriptures as well.  "You have not because you ask not", "Declare a thing and it will be given to you".  God asks us to trust Him, believe that His Word is TRUE, and faith to "see that which is not as though it were".  So today, I want to start my week right.

THANK YOU, Jesus!!!

Thank you for restoring me (mind, body, and soul!) , my family, and my faith! Thank you for your Word that is recorded by the prophets, and for the word of your Spirit that you send to us to give comfort and guidance throughout our days! 

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, LORD!

HALLELUIAH!!

More Visits with the Boys

I already posted pics from my first weekend with the boys, but here are some more from other weeks.

Saturday, April 13, 2013 (2nd week)

Here is Jack, getting ready for a hair cut.  He looks real cute with long hair, but since he almost always has something behind his head or is laying down, the back gets matted very easily.  The picture showing the back of his head here was actually taken AFTER I had combed it out!  LOL

Here he is in the tub, after the cut.  This tub was bought by Daddy.  (Well, Daddy gave me $20 after I told him about the tub.)  Jack sits up in this one where the one I had before did not have a "toddler" side when laying in the slanted side of the tub his head was up against the hard plastic part.  When he lifted his head up and put it back down, he kind of banged around a little, so I thought something like this would be much better for him.  It worked GREAT!  AND... it has a sling insert for Priscilla to use now, or the slanted side for after she has better head and trunk control.

Here is a couple of photos of jack making hand and mouth sounds.  On the left picture he is was moving his finger up and down in front of his mouth to make a "br br br" sound.  On the right he was putting his hand in front and moving it away to make a "ba ba ba" sound.

Friday, April 19, 2013 (3rd weekend)

Here is Priscilla, smiling on the phone while she talks to Grandma Paula.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Here is Billy and Jack watching a movie.

I put Sissy into the action and Jack was thrilled, but Billy just wanted to keep watching the movie.  LOL

THEN, Jack got some Sissy time and was just ecstatic! (Sissy was pretty content with that too!)

Saturday, April 27, 2013 (4th weekend)

These were taken at the 2nd annual "Life Run" which is a fundraiser to benefit the N.E.W. (Northeast Washington) Family Life Services Maternity Home and Crisis Pregnancy Center. In addition to the residential home for expectant and newborn moms, the center has a clothing and other children's goods "free store" called Helping Hands where parents of children size premie to 4T can find a variety of items for free. At the center, they also offer a variety of classes regarding pregnancy and parenting where you can earn "mommy money" or "daddy dollars" to spend in the boutique portion.  The boutique offers new, very gently used, and hand crafted items for the exchange of these special funds.  You can also earn spending points by bringing in evidence of doctor's appointments, WIC appointments and Early Head Start participation.  Oh, and it's called a "Crisis Pregnancy Center" because they also offer free pregnancy tests for women who suspect they are pregnant but don't have insurance, counseling for women who are unsure about what to do with an unexpected pregnancy, and a variety of other services for expectant families and families with young children. The Life Run is an event where people pay to participate in the run and/or get pledges from people to sponsor them for participating.  They also set up fun activities in the park for kids to participate in and encourage the community to come see what all the fun is about.  This encourages the purchase of food and beverage items and/or donations in addition to the runner funds.  This year they had a clown that made balloon animals and swords, a water balloon tower, face painting and a bouncy house.  I didn't see where the face painter was set up and I didn't think the boys would quite grasp what to do with the water balloons, but Jack got a balloon sword from the clown, and I THOUGHT Billy would get a kick out of the bouncy house.  I was wrong.  LOL.  He wanted to jump on the entrance step, but of course that isn't safe.  He really didn't want to crawl inside the large structure with netting all around it, but I thought if his buddy Jordan from church helped him that he would go.  Again, I was wrong.  LOL.  Billy just freaked out when we tried to get him inside it, so Jordan took him for his favorite park activity... the swings.  The picture on the left here is the Ford Family worship band.  Cari Ford is on bongo/rains stick, Bill Ford on Keyboard, Matthew Ford on drums, and John and Nathan Ford on guitars (I don't have any clue if one is bass or if it's one electric and one acoustic or what, lol) Jordan is the youngest of the Ford family and there is another brother, Daniel, who also helped to swing Billy while Jack and I listed to worship music.  

Sunday, April 28, 2013

These were taken Sunday evening after the boys had their baths and Priscilla was still in her Sunday church dress.  Billy was running around and watching a movie, with no interest in little sister or the camera.  LOL

Well, that pretty much catches you all up on my visits with the boys.  I'll try to keep up with posts each week starting in May.

Visits with Billy and Jack

I just noticed that I haven't posted any pictures or updates about my visits with the boys over the last 3 weekends that I have had them, so here is a long overdue post about that.

The first weekend we all spent together was Friday April 5th to Sunday April 7th. I had Billy with me until court on April 1st when the order was modified so that my custody time is now the time that Zeb and I had agreed upon in July to keep from interfering with Billy's pre-school. I had to give Billy back to his dad that day, but the judge scolded both of us in regards to not following the order and also revised the order to include that Zeb would provide the transportation to and from visits which we had also previously agreed to.  Since Jack was not here on March 31st (Easter Sunday), and my day with Priscilla and Billy was packed full of activity, I saved the Easter baskets to include in our multi-holiday celebration.

Here is Jack on Friday night, getting ready for bed.

And here he is Saturday morning talking to Grandma Paula

Still Saturday morning, now holding Priscilla (Sissy)

Saturday afternoon, multi-holiday celebration.  We had Christmas, Jack's Birthday, Valentine's Day, and Easter all to make up for.  Billy liked his giant bunny, but he couldn't take his eyes off of the other presents that were wrapped and the cake.  LOL

These were the second biggest hit for both of the boys.  They are called "busy books" and each one is a board book with a box built onto the back that holds 12 rubbery/plastic figurines and a playmat.  Jack's is Thomas & Friends themed and Billy's is Cars themed.

Billy on the left and Jack on the right.  Both at church on Sunday morning.

And here is the whole family together (and our friend Jeanette holding Priscilla) during a dedication ceremony in which I dedicated myself to raising the children to know and love God and the truth of His inspired Word, the Holy Bible.  It's hard to tell whether Jack is crying or laughing, or just what in this picture, but I promise you, he was screaming with joyful excitement.

I would also like to comment on the "orb" that he is holding in his hand.  I used to have very strong beliefs about the existence of "spirits" and that unexplained orbs were photographs of spirits of people who had already passed and were now on the other side of the veil and could come to visit us.  Well, since becoming a believer in the Bible, I had not yet done a lot of research on what the Bible says about "ghosts", so I asked a man in our church (the husband of the woman holding Priscilla) who is a seer what he sees in the Spirit when orbs like this appear.  Oh, and before I tell you his explanation, take note that the orb does not blur Jack's thumb or fingers.  If the circle were refracted light from dust in the air or a dust particle on the lens, it would be in the foreground.  Not only does it not blur his hand at all, but also you can see the shadow of his thumb and finger on the orb itself.  This is definately NOT dust, it is a photo of something that was not seen by the naked eye but was in fact with us on that day.  We were on Holy ground inside the church, so I know that this cannot be anything negative, but I had to ask someone who had studied the Word longer and more in depth to tell me what this is.  He said that it is the Spirit of Jesus. And when you see more than one in a photograph, it is still God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, only multiplied because He is omnipresent.  He is everywhere all at once.  

Well, it's getting late and Sissy is getting fussy, so she must be ready for her last drink of milk before sunrise.  Perhaps I will get a chance to catch up a little more tomorrow.

God Bless!

<3 Suz